i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
