Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
