I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
