Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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