call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
