i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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