Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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