I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
