He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
And then he peed in my hair
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