i just wanna soil my oats bro
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
