is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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