is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
