WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
