Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Farmville is her only friend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
