I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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