There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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