Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
