You're my little dorito
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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