Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
