ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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