is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
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Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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