I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize