the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
