I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
