I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
