I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
