do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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