I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize