on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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