Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
