You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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