WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
