just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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