the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
