Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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