no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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