i just had sex bonerless
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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