remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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