I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
