waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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