Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
