Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
