My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
