I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
