i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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