the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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