Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
