saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
