I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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