This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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