Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
