are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
