Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
