Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
