thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
