I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
