You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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