I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
