she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
