I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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