he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
