I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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