All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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