her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize