she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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