He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
