see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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