I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
