we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
