Me too!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
