For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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