Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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