I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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