She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
