Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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