I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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