i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
