It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
