you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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