time to smoke my breakfast
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
