apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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