He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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