so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
