This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
