I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
