in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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