I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
